(This may not make any sense to any of you. It's about my dad who loved snow he would always take walks in it when he got stressed; It made him happy. The last Christmas I spent with him I was fighting with him and his new family. He yelled at me because I still believed in Santa Claus. I was little confused and hurt. I was really upset because Santa Claus was what Christmas spirit was. I remember him crying saying, "Kacee Santa Clause doesn't exist. He did once. He took presants to little kids all around the world, but that was back when the world was small. He doesn't now. That would be impossible." I just remember standing there crying in my big shoes and jacket that was too big for me. I didn't want him to hug me ever again. He told me he loved me and I rolled my eyes and pretended like I didn't hear him. He ruined my Christmas. I went back to the house and cried to my mom on the phone. After he died... The next Christmas after that I was still a little mad at him for ruining Christmas I told my mom and she started crying she said, "Kacee your dad called me that night upset. He said Shannon what do I do? I need help. What do I do?" I now kick myself everytime Christmas rolls around for ever being mad at him especially after he called my mom to have her fix it. So here is my story about it. If any of you guys say you hate snow after reading this ill be SOOOO mad at you. Atleast don't say it infront of me.)

Never did it cross my mind until that very day... I walked into that funeral home; the snow that lit up the gray... I watched my mom as she told me about how much my dad had loved it so... A new perspective hit me harder then I would ever know... Snow that seemed so ugly, cold, and a burden to bare... Now became the answer to my upsetting parayer. When I see it snowing I think back to the day when all the snow was fallen... And you weren't yet gone away... You were taking the dog for a walk and asked me to go... Christmas that year was a hard one you asked me to take a walk through the snow... We talked about how you loved me and I rolled my eyes and looked away... Never had I cried so hard before your dying day... I thought you ruined Christmas; I was so upset to find out that Santa Claus wasn't real... This holiday means nothing now, ruining Christmas wasn't part of the deal... Now that your dead I swear I see you standing in the snow...

As if your waiting for me to come, asking me to go... A memory that is so bad but also helped me see, the snow is like your love for me. When it snows I no longer see the bitter cold, I see my dad's love again starting to unfold.

Can You Hear It Calling

Can you hear it calling

when you lie awake in your bed.

With all the thoughts that rid your head

the thoughts that make you smile

When all your wishing seems worth while

Can you hear it calling

when you hear his name

his voice it makes you go insane

as you write your name's in hearts

as the pounding in your chest starts

Can you hear it calling

a journal filled with pages about him

a love so bright will never dim

as you tell your best friend about your crush

wondering if he saw you blush

Can you hear it calling

deep within your soul

it makes you loose your self control

a role that plays no part

deep within your very heart

Like A Drug

like a drug you pull me in
sweeter than the sweetest sin
making me want you, crave you, love you
to my heart your promised to be true
but like all things that come to pass
all the happyness it will never last
like a drug you made me seeing things
better then what life brings
you made me want forever with you
Trusting my heart I wanted you to be true
Now I see it clear as can be
like a drug you played with me
In the end with a shattered heart
in the end love played no part
Rotten insides and needing theropy
Still craving you... you and me

Leading me on....

I thought Jared and I finally started to fix things. Finally! He always asks for hugs says sweet things crap like that. He even said he still "loves" me and wants to fix things. So, here we are trying to fix things. Finally things go right.

I see Carley in the halls at school, I see them together, and hear they are together, and corney as it sounds I swear my heart breaks all over again.

So what? Is Jared just leading me on? It sure seems like that. I hate Carley. She is such a selfish bitch. She ruined everything for me with her complaining.

He just lied to me saying him, Andreas, Stephan, and Carley were going to juvy, and getting suspended. I was upset especially when he said he was joking. It was not funny. Then, I was already hurt from seeing him and Carley flirting in the halls today. I didn't need to hear she was with him.

After school he asked why I looked upset I just told him I didn't know and that I just had a bad feeling... Little did he know he was the cause of it. I ran off my anger at cross country until he texted me saying he was with her.

I just ugh. Can I move? Please? I don't need some selfish jerk toying with my emotions I really can't handle much more...

How Loved That Man Became

Never did I notice as people filled the chairs

Looking at the sorrow in their faces and their stares

Never had it hit me harder then that day

When all the world had fallin into a dark depressing gray

People coming to see whats left of the man they come to know

Assuring me they'd miss the man and how they loved him so.

Never did it occure to me how loved that man became
Until I saw the room fill; the number of people was insane.

Regretting not telling the sad faces how I loved him so

Learning that day he loved me more then I would ever know.

Stuck with memory of how full the room was that day,

I learned he was loved more then words could ever say.