ThIs SuMmEr!

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As we all know this is going to be the end of my eight grade year. Next year is going to be highschool baby! So, I am going to make my freshman year a good one. All Starting with this summer.

Now, I didn't set a huge list of goals like Jordan Did, but I did make a couple goals. So, for those of you that do care, here they are!

-Get a tan!
-Loose three inches in my waiste!
-Dye my hair brown!
-Instead of getting on the computer I'll go running.
-One compliment a day. (I was reading in this seventeen magazine that if you give yourself one compliment a day you will learn to love yourself... That will take me a lot of compliments.)
-NO TV!!! I never watch tv other than my favorite tv show Bones anyways.
-Go swimming in the resavour!

Yeah, I want to loose a ton of weight, because I am a fat cow! So, wish me luck!

Sometimes It's Like I Am Not Good Enough.

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I like this button thing, because sometimes that's what it's like for me.

Okay, so yesterday was soooo boring! I sat around the house with NOTHING to do. So, I talked on my cell phone all day. Very Very rarley do I actually talk on my cell phone. Plus, my phone bill was almost due and still I had 500 minutes left... NOT TO MENTION the people I was talking to were on my unlimited talking plan thing. So really me talking to them was doing NO HARM WHAT SO EVER!

Then, My grandma came upstairs and was like,
"Kacee maybe you should get off the phone you have been on it all day..."
Then, my grandma went and told my mom. WHAT THE HECK GRANDMA!!!

So, I was cleaning the kitchen...
and my mom came up and was like,
"Kacee you need to start limiting yourself on your phone. You have been talking on it way to much latley."

so here I was thinking... HOLEY HECK I NEVER TALK ON MY PHONE!!!

Sometimes I feel like my family just likes to tortue me...


Pointless rules my family makes:
1. When friends are over your bedroom door has to stay open... girl or not.
2. When talking on the phone your door has to stay open.
3. You can only be on the computer for thirty minutes at a time... (too late break that one already.)
4. You are not allowed to use your cell phone past ten O' clock. EVEN ON WEEK ENDS!!!

So, there are some rules. I had to stop because I was getting irritated.
What I dont understand is I ALWAYS have my room clean, I always do what I am told, I get good grades, I always am where I am supposed to be, and doing what I said I was doing.
I dont know they sit here and tell me that I am such a good kid that they couldn't ask for a better kid, but still here they are making stupid rules.
I think if I NEVER talk on the phone that I should at least have one day to talk for however long I want.

Even though they are my parents...
I dont think they should try to control my life. They say that I need to learn from my own mistakes, but they never give me the chance to make them. They lock me up in a freaking cage and throw the key away.
I wish they would trust me more... They dont understand how horrible of kids they DONT have. I know people my age that went out and got themselves pregnant, I mean I have cousins that go out and get their girlfriends pregnant, and cousins that go out and get stoned. MY MOM HAS HERD IT WITH HER OWN TWO EARS, and here is she saying I am not trust worthy.




IM SO FREAKING IRRITATED!!!

~Depression~

Im going to counterpoint what Jordan, and Rachelle said about depresssion...
First of all I agree that we should have fun being teenagers and all that crap, but how do you what other people are going through?
I mean seriously, some people have chemical imbalances in their brains that force them to be depressed. In that case it's not there fault, and here you guys are telling them that being depressed it stupid.
Then, here you have people who have reasons to be depressed. Unlike you guys who lead perfect lives, that dont know what it is like when your dad's die. I am so jealous you guys have dad's you dont even know. Then, you have people whose brothers and sisters do drugs. You have people who live in the foster system that dont know what it is like to have a REAL family; someone to love and care about them. You dont know what is like to have your sister run off at only 17 to go live with her boyfriend. You dont have sisters that cut, and stop eating.
I dont think you guys understand what it's like to live with crap like that going on.
Not to mention the whole cutting thing. Cutting makes you feel better, its taking the emotional pain and turning it into physical. It really does make you feel better. Then, there are people who had cut just once and not they are addicted to it. Now, everytime they get depressed they crave cutting themselves. Like a drug.
It makes me mad that you guys would sit there and say that about people when you dont know what its like.

......................................................

Even Superhero's Die...

My daddy was my hero; he showed me the way.
He taught me how to trust and told me it will be okay.
He could put in a nail with only four strokes of his hammer.
He showed me the life behind all the glammar.
His big calloused hands that knew what hard work was.
My daddy was my hero just because...
One day, I got a phone call I never did forget.
There the truth and I finally met.
My superhero died; could that possible be true?
Aren't superhero's supposed to be there for you?
Then suddenly, tears welled up in my eyes.
Then the truth revealed the movie screen lies.
Even superhero's die; they cant live forever.
That's when I realized; nothing lasts forever.

:D

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I think you know who you are, your so amazing and have helped me through everything! Thanks for letting me talk to you today; you helped me out so much you dont even know! I know that most the time what I say doesn't make sense, and I am sorry. You may not realize it but your so amazing... Thank you!

I Watched A Fallin Angel Fall.

I never really noticed,


but she sat in that desk everyday.


She always looked so depressed,


all broken and worn away.






I never really noticed,


how eventually she started to break.


It wasn't my fault;


her life she decided to take.





I never really noticed,


what kind of boy I come to be.


She was so upset;


I could have set her free.





I never really noticed,


anything at all


Then again, I never really noticed,


as I watched a fallin angel fall.

Pictures of me... Katie took them...

GREAT NEWS!!!

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So, for months and months this modeling agency has been calling us. We just ignored the call.
Finally, my mom answered. She set us up with an interview with them.
Like last Thursday? Yeah, Last Thursday we went and interviewed. We had to do a commercial infront of a camera, we had to sing, write out a information sheet, and we were asked TONS of questions.
WE MADE IT IN!!!
I start training next weekend. Im sooooooo happy! This is like a dream come true. Especially for me. I always thought just Katie would make it, but no... I DID TOO!!!



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I get so sick of everything...

You know those days when nothing goes the way you want it to?
When you look in the mirror and just feel so ugly inside and out?
Those days you just don't care what people think?
When all you want is for people to be able to see your side?
Or you do something without thinking and end up making someone mad... and you just don't care?

... That's what today is...

Sorry if I hurt anyone today...


Especially you Shantry... I am sorry. I am a snobby little brat, and didn't think that posting that would make you upset... but I deleted it...
truly I am VERY sorry!

The only one we have left...

Katie and Steve (my step dad) got in a fight today...
She seriously sat behind me while I was on the computer moping... I could hear her wimpering, and sniffling... It was annoying...
Then she was like,
"I hate Steve."
All I could say was... "cool."
Yeah I know times with Steve are hard, but she did that for attention... It was annoying...

Not only that... but steve is the only dad we have left...
I hate it when I see girls saying they hate their dad's. The whole time I am thinking... at least yours is still alive...
I get so jealous when I see my friends with their dad's. I hate it..

I Know, I Know

Don't get mad at me, I have a perfectly logical explanation...
I have been writing, but nothing you guys can see. My writing is currently going in another blog. One that is more... private.
I don't trust some of you with what's currently going on with my life. If you want to know why; don't get mad at me, but here is the cold harsh truth...

1. Some of you just can't keep a secret, and have big mouths.
2. Some of you will say you can keep a secret, but the second you get mad at me mysteriously the whole world knows.
3. Some of you just pretend to be my friends, but really your out to get me. (What did I do to make you want to ruin my life?)
4. Some of you are just stuck up snobs that have no life's so to entertain yourself you ruin mine.
5. I just lost touch with some of you and don't know what to think about you anymore.
6. You are trustworthy and have the link to my other blog, and read it every day. Those of you that do have that link, I LOVE YOU GUYS! You guys are my heroes. I can trust you guys with my life.

Not that I think you guys actually worried about me...

but I am actually very happy right now. This small small group of people just turned my life around. I have not been this happy since my dad died. Maybe even before that.
Those few people are just so amazing to me. They completely saved me. Actually, I decided I am going to tell you who they all are.

Emily: Lives in Washington. She is the most amazing person you could ever meet. She has dealt with all my crap for years. She was always there to rip off my head and screw it back on in the right direction. I care about Emily so much. Even though, Emily is currently mad at me, for something I really really regret. I just wish she could see how much she means to me. I wish she lived here with me.

Jessica Farley: Goll, I can't tell you how much this girl has helped me. I cant even remember how we became good friends. I think it was in Spanish class. Jessica is always there for a shoulder to cry on. She actually pays attention when I tell her about my dad. She really has a big heart. She is funny, and is always there for me. I've been severely depressed lately, and this girl wrote this about me on her blog:

"ok... well i have this friend and she is amazing... if more people were like her the world would be a better place.. for everyone... but she has been kinda depressed... she doesnt see that she is an amazing girl that i wish i could be just like... she has been through so much and when is hurt always tries to smile and act that everything is ok when clearly it isnt. she really needs to let it out and know that she has friends that are always there for her... I wish I could help her realize that she is pretty nice and kind (and not a demon that ruins everyones lives) so much... to this girl we love you and you arent what you think you are-
Love,your friends (especially me) "

This meant SO much to me. When I first read it I thought it was about someone else. Then, at school the next day she told me that I was not a demon that ruined every one's lives. I was so touched I could have cried right there. Hopefully, I didn't show it.

Jared Terry: My hero. He has saved me. I can't tell you guys how much he has saved me. He pulled me out of depression. I am so happy, because of him. He is just the nicest kid you guy will ever meet. If you don't know him I feel SO bad for you. This kid means the world to me.

I just love those three people SO much. Without them... I would just die!!!






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Running On Empty... Written by my talented cousin Jen Marrot

Thought is was funny to feel so down when the world is so drunk on sunshine. Things like that should be able to bleach it out of you.
There's a place I go where the grass reaches up to your knees, a golden yellow stem. There's sagebrush, mixed with bright red bushy clusters of wildflowers.
My shoes were full of poky dandelion seeds. That's what happens when you hike up a hill in slippers. I don't hardly wear shoes lately. Part of being laid off is that you get to wear slippers wherever you go. Even in rugged terrain....
Even if you're burning down a hill as fast as your legs can take you. --through the grass and the sagebrush. Because if the sun won't do it for you, you have to.There's a moment when you're running, where your body says you need to stop. When you gasp for air and you feel a searing burn in your heart. (Not the burn that feels like fire, but the kind that feels like menthol chap stick on your lips.) That's when I feel all the sadness and frustration spontaneously combust..................
Instantly. For the next five seconds a huge smile crossed my face as I watched the ashes of everything wisp away and disappear into the sunlight.

Old Ironsides by Oliver Wendell Holmes

Old Ironsides
by Oliver Wendell Holmes

Ay, tear her tattered ensign down!
Long it waved on high,
And many an eye has danced to see
That banner in the sky;
Beneath it run the battle's shout,
And burst the cannon's roar;-
The meteor of the ocean air
Shall sweep the clouds no more.

Her deck, once red with heroes' blood,
Where knelt the vanquished foe,
When winds were hurrying o'er the flood,
And waves were white below,
No more shall feel the victors tread,
Or know the conquered knee;-
The harpies of the shore shall pluck
The eagle of the sea!

O, better that her shattered hulk
Should sink beneath the wave;
Her thunders shook the mighty deep,
And there should be her grave;
Nail to the mast her holy flag,
Set every threadbare sail,
And give her to the god of storms,
The lighting and the gale!

Ugh! This poem is amazing!!! One day, I hope I can write like this. Its sooo good! We were doing these tests in English and this popped up. I asked my teacher if I could get a copy of it, and she let me. In case you guys don't get it apparently its about a old naval force ship that was old and over used. So, they wanted to tear it apart and use it for ship parts. But, the author wanted to sink it thinking it would be a better grave for the ship, because heroes died on that ship. So, because the author wrote this poem its still in the Boston Harbor today. WOW!!! I cant believe how much this poem changed! I want to write something that means something like this one does. WOW!!!