Wanting something i cant have

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Okay so there is a kid that I like...
Im trying my hardest not to like him because i know NO guy would ever want a girl like me...
plus he probably thinks i am SO weird!
So first of all if you have read my other blog entries I walked into the wall infront of him EMBARRASING...
I try MY HARDEST not to stare at him
Could anything be more gorgeous then him
yeah i dont think so
plus i hope this wont give him away but he hangs out with all the perfect girls
he could get ANYONE he wants
How much do you want to bet he has a girlfriend right this second???
I cant act normal around him
or maybe its the fact that i DO act normal around him??
Goll SO CONFUSING
and the bad part is I DONT WANT TO LIKE HIM!!!
i hate how i always like the guys everyone else wants also because that means pretty girls want him and that is probably just what he is looking for is some really drop dead gorgeous girl...

AND UGH!
on the bus today I was at the back of the bus and katie (my sister) was at the front and she YELLED'
"KACEE LOOK WHO IS OUT THE WINDOW!"
so not only me but THE WHOLE bus looked out the window and guess who was standing out the window
HIM!
then she said.
"WANT A PICTURE OF HIM"
i said yes because the bus already knew who i like and she started snapping pictures of him HE SAW HER TAKING THEM TOO!!

and to make matters worse
He rode our bus today
AGH!

Him liking me is empossible
i know that for a fact
I barley even talk to him
i know already that this year is the first time i have ever talked to him but i did last year a the dance when we were dancing A.K.A STILL CANT GET OVER WHAT A NIGHT THAT WAS
even tho i never stopped talking
WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SUCH A DITZ?
see why i hate myself SO much?
i would do anything to be someone else right now
PERFEREABLY the girl HE! is going out with right now would be great!
hopefully its someone who isnt as RETARDED as i am



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I feel so hopless like all i can get out of him is a "Hi!" every once in a while...
A glimps at him when ever i can in class or in the hall
everytime he needs a pencil
or when he is evesdropping in my conversations in spanish...
and that is probably all i will ever get out of him that is a garantee
AGH!
i wish i was perfect, and popular
i know i love being weird and standing out and making people give me weird looks all the time (especially the weird looks from him)
but sometimes i wish i was more NORMAL!
then i am right now you know what i mean
LIFE IS HARD!
especially when i see him talking to other girls
AGH IM SO JEALOUS!




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