.Just Me.

MyHotComments

Just me, the girl you worried about.

Just me, the girl your trying to figure out.

Just me, the girl your risking everything for.

Just me, the girl you say you adore.

**********

Just me, the girl who is scared to show you me.
Just me, the girl who is scared to let you see.

Just me, the girl I wish I could change.
Just me, the girl who is so strange

**********

Just me, the girl who thinks about you constantly.
Just me, the girl who's wishing we could be.

Just me, the girl your trying to see.

The girl you want... is just me.


MyHotComments

Ugh... Its Not My Fault (I'm Sorry!)

So, Jessica and I had these huge plans for a sleep over... We were going to have so much fun!
We get it all planned out so that everyone could go... but when I asked my mom she said, "No." I'm so mad. Everything is ruined now. All because my cousins from Idaho are coming down to hang out with me. First of all, their mom is forcing them to go. Second, of all they dont like m,And Third I dont like them.
So, really I set up plans to have a fun night with Jessica and Meagan and I cant go, just so I can go hang out with cousins THAT HATE ME!. I am being forced to trade fun, to go sit there with my cousins who dont even like me. Wow. Im like way mad right now.
Now, I think Jessica is mad. Really, its not like this is my fault. I was waiting for Friday it was going to be so much fun...
Now, we have to plan another night. URRGH!
I'm sorry Jessica I really am!

Took This From Rachelle's Blog...

put your music on shuffle and for every question you press shuffle and the name to your song is the answer, heres mine

What would best discribe your personality??
Supergirl (oh yeah!)

How do you feel today?
Gives you Hell (so true, my plans with friends were messed up because my stupid cousins that dont like me, and I dont like them are coming down to visit.)

What is your lifes purpose?
Not meant to be (Yep... Thats true...)

What is your motto?
Plain White T's (dont make sense but okay.)

What do your friends think of you?
Chase this light (umm yeah.)

What do you think about often?
With me (song that means a lot to me and this one kid ;-) )

Whats your life story?
If today was your last day... (haha yeah.)

So there I was, On the street Corner, In the pouring rain

MyHotComments

I wrote this like a year and a half ago. I just re-read it out of my journal. I thought it was pretty good. I hope you guys like it too.


I shook my head from side to side, and I slowly walked to the door. Putting on my jacket to take a walk. I cant believe after all he put me through, and the things he has said; I still have feelings for him.

I stepped out into the cover of night and it started to rain; I put my hood down. I took in a deep breath getting a hint of the wonderful smell of cold rain hitting the warm pavement. I let the ice cold rain fall down my cheeks with a mixture of warmth coming from my sore eyes. I walked slowly with a million things running through my head. Whats so great about her that makes him want her so bad? Will I ever been good enough for him?

I tried to hold back my tears, but I couldn't; they spilled from my eyes smearing my mascara down my cheeks. I will never be good enough. Still, I wish I was. I wish I could be her, look like her, and act like her. Maybe just maybe then I will be good enough for him. Now I understand why people love the rain so much.

I reached the street corner. There I sat on the curb with my face in my hands. I may not be good enough for him today, but tomorrow he will want me. I am going to be sure of that.

*So there I was, On the street Corner, In the pouring rain*



MyHotComments

Stand By Me Forever

MyHotComments

Stand by me forever, and gently take my hand

Tell me all your secrets, and I will understand

Call me when your bored, and pick stupid fights

Whisper in my ear, on my restless nights

Make me feel wanted, just like you care

Hold me in your arms, and let me know your there

Write me a song, with lyrics too

Tell me cute quotes that describe me and you

Make me smile with the little things you say
Talk to me and let me know it will be okay
Tell me about our future, and forget about my past
Keep me still wishing that these feelings will last

To The Person I Wrote This About:

I Love you!


MyHotComments

So I hate pink, but there is something about this backgound I like. Call me a hypocrite, because I don't give a crap.


MyHotComments

So, I like this quote, because it's true.

For example: I was writing a book that ended badly, because that is how things always are. Then, I read this book called "Killing Brittany" and watched this show with Jordans family called "The Boy In The Striped Pajamas". They ended sad. So, I decided I am not going to write them because of the feelings I had gotten in the end of them. In a way I was happy, because for once movies and books showed the truths in life.

In English today, we had to write a paper on our favorite possession...
I couldn't stop thinking about my dad, its like depressing things is all my mind feeds off of now. So, I wrote my paper on my favorite possession which is a bracelete with my favorite picture of my dad engraved on it. I really put my feelings in it. I wrote how I dont spend time with my friends anymore, because I just dont feel up to it. Also, how I dont want to celebrate my birthday, because its so depressing. I wrote about how Katie starved herself, and how Ashley would cut. I wrote about things I dont even tell my closest friends unless I really just cant think of anything else. I didn't think that she would make us print it. SHE MADE US PRINT IT! Great, so now the school councilor will be calling my mom. Usually, we just submit the stupid thing and it is never seen again. It is not fair!

I Just Dont Care Anymore!
My friends are like all mad at me. Usually, I am what my mom would call a "Social butterfly". I am sick of trying to make everyone happy. I dont think that a friend is someone I have to go try to make conversation with. I dont think I should have to go hunt certain people down just to talk to them. If people dont come talk to me just because they want to hear from me then they can forget about being friends. So, yeah, if any of you want to be my friends then call me, text me, and come up and talk to me just to say hi. If not then dont expect me to be friends with you. If you guys haven't noticed I dont mind being alone. I can sit in a dark, and dusty corner at lunch alone and be completely satisfied. So really. I am sick of people expecting me to fix their life's problems. So yeah, no one take it personally; I just dont care anymore.

I think I found the solution to my problem...
You know how I have been working out a lot latley? Well, a while ago my mom went on this diet... She would eat three meals a day with two snacks. It was meant to strink your stomache and increase your matabolism.
So, I think I am going to bring snacks to school and eat a small snack between each class hour.
When I was talking to Mrs. Robins about Katie not eating, (she was worried about Katie she saw her one day.) and she told me that was a good idea that I have a fast motabolism.
So yeah, because I am getting sick of staring at the same wall for two hours and running I'll just eat more, and loose less! YEAH!
Hopefully it will work. Wish me luck!

Love,
Me.

D-E-P-R-E-S-S-I-N-G

MyHotComments

Okay, so today my step dad got mad at me. Not a big deal really, seems like he is always mad at me.
but... You know how when something happens it brings back like a memory from the past?
Well... This is what came to mind when he was yelling. Read it and weep:

It was the summer after my dad died, I was up in Alaska visiting friends, and family.
Well my mom, step dad and little brother had to leave Alaska early because my mom had to get back to work.
Well the year before my family had issues with my sisters boyfriend.
So, at the air port my step dad said, "We should start over, and forget the past." He went to shake my sisters boyfriends hand, and he just stared at it.
When I herd about it I flipped. I called Ashley screaming at her! We talked for two hours. She hung up like twenty times. Then, She said, "Kacee, he is not our dad." I burst out crying and I said, "YEAH HE IS AND HE IS THE ONLY ONE WE HAVE LEFT!" I herd Ashley sobbing from the other line, and she hung up.
I looked up and my cousin Mckenzie was crying. I half laughed and I was like, "Why are you crying?" She whiped her eyes with a clean sock and said, "Its so sad!"
My Aunt came in and told me how proud she was that I always stood up for what I thought was right.

but yeah... thats my little memory.

Okay, so now my grandma just got a phone call from her sister I believe. My mom was like, "Mom it's for you, Aunt Patsy. She wants to know If she has life insurance." My grandma answered and she was like, "Yes, you have insurance." She waited listening to what my great Aunt Patsy had to say. Then she said, "Yes, your funeral is all taken care of. That guy fromt he funeral home is going to stop by."

ISN'T THAT SO SAD!?!?!?

Okay, also, My Uncle might go to jail. He is loosing his house, he has to fly up to Alaska because he doesn't have a job. He has to leave his two amazing boys home SAD!!!!!!!
I love my Uncle so much! He always has my back. I can call him for everything! His two boys are like brothers to me. I love them so much! I just... I'm so close to these guys and it kills me when things like this happen to them. UGH!

Talk With My Grandma...

Well, I guess I'll start with how this all came to be...
(If you are a mormon dont read this... It will ruin your religion, also if you still believe in Santa.)

My Grandma was born as a Mormon, and was a mormon for fourty years. My grandma is the most amazing person anyone could ever meet. She took on the challenge to re-read the book of mormon...
Lets just say she found some faults...
Not going to go into detail, because I dont want to get my grandma or I in trouble for saying too much...

So... Yesterday the Missionaries came to "preach". We didn't even let them into our house. Lol. My grandma told them the reasons why she is against mormons. ANYWAYS... I got talking to her around ten O' clock about religion.

Some how, we got on the topic of my dad. (My real dad not my step dad.) She told me some things that made me really want to hate myself. I still hate myself. So, here is the story about why I hate myself.

When my dad was alive he well... was not perfect. He grew up in a messed up family. and he did drugs, abused my lovely mother, and cheated. Well when we moved to Alaska I Learned to hate my dad. He would call, and I would get annoyed. One winter we had to go spend with our dad. Well, we opened all the preasents under the christmas tree. Then, everyone was staying up late so I went to go to bed and I said, "Better go to sleep before Santa comes." (I had still believed in Santa) I saw panick go across my dads face. I just walked upstairs to bed.

When we woke up the next morning, there was no preasants except a note a fifty dollars. Well, my step brother and sister came home and was showing us the stuff they had gotten. Well, I showed them my fifty dollars, and well my dad flipped. Turns out my step brother and sister did not believe in Santa Clause. My dad yelled at me telling me that Santa Clause doesn't exist. I cried all night, and I was so mad at my dad. He was like the grinch without the happy ending. I hated my dad, he ruined Christmas. I got home and my mom told me that Santa Clause came to our house instead. I didn't believe her. Thanks to my dad...

Well, talking to my Grandma I found out that my dad called my mom and said that he screwed up and asked if she would fix it. So, really I hated my dad and really he didn't mean to be so mean to me. He didnt mean to ruin Christmas, and he regretted it. So, even after he died I still was mad at him for that. AFTER HE DIED!!!

I am so mad at myself, I am like crying right now. My dad loved me and I still treated him so bad.Ugh I hate myself... theres more... but really I am so upset I dont think I can type any longer...

Confessions of an alcoholic

An eight year old girl with a perfect life;
A daddy, three daughters, and a beautiful wife.
An eight year old girl who never wanted it to change,
Sher life started to rearrange.

Her mom and her dad started to fight,
She'd lay in her bed and listen each night.
Her parents divorced and they moved out,
She never understood what the fights were about.

Her dads best friend had later died,
Her dad, her mom, and her sisters all cried.
Her dad became a alcoholic, and hit her mom one night,
She watched the policeman drive him out of her sight.

Her mom moved her away from her dad,
In hope to run from the life they now had.
Her dad called, the girl hated him so,
More then he could ever know.

Four years has past, her dad came around.
What a great man inside, she later found.
She got a phone call late one night.
Her daddy was killed on a work site.

She never told her dad how much he meant to her,
Now she sits in a life's blur.
Understanding his point of view,
Stuck in the life she once knew.

The Beauty Is In What You Make It

My new favorite quote!!!
I got it out of a song.
I think I like it more then my other favorite quote, "every rose has its thorn."

Anyways,
I went to the high school dance last night...
It was a weird night.
We started off by just talking.
I met the kid Katie likes.
HE IS THE CUTEST KID!!!
Then, A slow song came on and the kid Katie likes FORCED her to dance with him.
Lol. They were dancing close too!
I was so excited for Katie I could have passed out right in the middle of the floor.

Then, Katies EX boyfriend got all jealous.
I would tell you what the text said but it was bad.
lol.

Then, lol the kid katie likes and another one of katies friends blew up a condem during a fast song and threw it in the crowd they all played with it until they found out what it was. lol. Katie and I were laughing so hard!

more stuff happened but you see I got six paper cuts on my thumb four on my pointer finger and my other fingers are just sore so it kinda hurts to type...

But there was a bunch of boy drama with me last night. But i dont even care that any of them hate me. lol. because i tried impressing everyone and it didnt work. so i am not going to feel bad and apologize for it. I think all of them should be apologizing to me. lol.

well anyways there was a summary of my night. once my fingers get better maybe ill tel you guys more details.

so yeah...

MyHotComments


Life just got a whole lot better! ;-)
I cant tell you the reason why...
Because I dont want to...

Anyways... so my buddy Jessica gave me her paper cutter hook...
If you know what I am thinking... Yes, It is the same one...
I was rubbing my fingers over it during class today so now i have like three paper cuts on my fingers... each one...
both hands...
owch!!!
so yes i am sacraficing my fingers to type...
only because I have not written much...

Man, my life is so dramatic...
I freaking hate it.
I am sure glad I am invisible...
I cant even imagine what it would be like if I wasn't...

I found myself today.

apparently i make people want to cut thier hearts out.
i bring people down.
apparently i dont deserve to live

(the last part was my input.)

so i learned two things,
i am a demon and no one wants to be around me,
and i talk to myself..

I just yelled at myself in my bedroom mirror telling myself i should just pick up the scissors...
great, so when i get put in the insane assylum dont worry about me really
,
ill keep myself company.

maybe ill just end up cutting my own heart out in their.
maybe i will be my only friend and realize that i do do that to people.
nice knowing you all.,

It's Time For Me To Have Some Fun.

MyHotComments


So, Wednesday the 8th is a high school dance. I am going with Katie. So, All of you have herd me complain about my heighth at least fifty times. Well, now I get to go dance with tall hot high schoolers.
KACEE HEAVEN!!!
I am so excited. Well, you guys know me well enough to know that I have more to say about this dance, but just to torture you guys I am not posting it on here. (Jordan dont worry I'll tell you later. I figure you will pry it out of me sometime, so I might as well just tell you to begin with. Lol.)

So, latley I have been depressed. I've tried pulling myself up out of it, but I just cant seem to. You know those days when you just want to go crawl in a hole and die there? Then, someone compliments you, or does something funny that just makes your day better? Well, Some people have done things like that.

Oneday, I was late for school and went to school looking like crap and so many people came up and told me I looked cute.
Then, since I dont give a crap what people think about me I have been wearing clothes that make me happy.
For Example: Baggy shirt and tie, guy pants, thermals, with a tank top on top. Cute baggy girly blue shirt. Stuff I like to wear. Some people were giving me crap about it then Clayton said,
"Wow, you have so many different styles." I was like,
"Well, what do you mean by that?" He just smiled and was like,
"No its a good thing."

What he said wasnt much but it was enough for him to say it two days ago and still make me happy when it pops up in my head.

So, from now on I am going to speak my mind. Believe me, this could get ugly.
But right now I just dont give a crap. I am sick of trying to impress people. When the whole time I was asking myself why I was. Clearly I am not happy with it, and guys dont like me anyways. HAHA. So really I've got nothing to loose. =)
Life is going to get a whole lot better.
Meaner, but better.

It's Time For Me To Have Some Fun.