I can never say I'm sorry.

I was talking to my buddy Justin today. Justin is such a sweet kid. Justin had to get leg surgery and we were talking about him having to learn how to walk again. I was like,
"I had to relearn to walk twice." He was like,
"Really?" I said,
"Yeah, I walked through ashes bare foot, and then I got frost bite." Then, he asked what it was like... This is what I said,

"Yeah, they had to rip the skin off. Then, my dad yelled at me because I was crying. Then, he made me walk on them. :( I still can remember how mad I was at him. All he wanted was the best for me. He only made me walk on them to help me out. I was so mean to him. I'll never get to tell him I am sorry."

I didn't even realized I said that until he asked me why I can't say sorry. I got thinking about it after I said that. Now, I notice how much of a jealous person I am. I see my friend's talking about there dad's, or I see them with their dad's, and I just get jealous. I would give anything to have that happen to me again. Then, I hear my friend's and how they don't get along with their dad's. I just wish I could have that oppurtunity again.

I wish I could tell my dad how sorry I am. I treated him so badly. Last night I pulled out cards he sent me for my birthday's. They all said "I miss you" and "I hope to see you soon". Now, I am the one saying I miss you, and he is probably in heaven watching me thinking what a selfish daughter he raised. Nah, my dad wouldn't think that.

Isn't it ironic how in the blink of an eye how every thing can change? Don't you think it's crazy how much one person influences your life? Don't you ever wonder how from something that seemed so terrible at the time means the world to you later?

So, yeah. Dad if ever you're looking down on me I want you to know how sorry I am. I wish I could tell it to your face. There's so much I wish I could do better, but I can't change the past. I love you dad, I miss you, and I am so sorry.