The Way It Is For Girls Like Me.

Okay, so as we all know things haven't been the best for me right now. Stuff with my step dad, from then on it just got worse. Things just keep getting worse. I don't know what to do anymore. All I know is I am sick of pretending I am happy. If you guys thought I was too straight forward then... You're going to hate me now. I'm going to tell everything like it is.

So, I was upset and Jordan called me. She knew something was wrong. From her I learned a lot of things.

First of all... HINT HINT!!! If you don't like me I would like to know. I don't think it's fair I have to learn from other people that you don't like me. If you arn't brave enough to say that to my face then you should very well should be scared when I confront you face to face. If you don't like my hair dark don't come up to me and tell me it's cute and then talk crap behind my back. I'm sick of all you stuck up preps judging me, and pretending you're all something your not. I'm tired of people pretending to be my friend... Come real or not at all.

Now that we have that out of the way...

I was completely looking forward to going to the carnival with my REAL FRIEND Jessica. She invited me and I just needed to get out of the house away from the drama with my step dad. I asked how much it was and it was 30 DOLLARS!!! Wow, those hicks are screwing us you guys. I told my mom and she about started crying and told me I might be able to go. I am kind of depressed about it, but I can sort of put myself in my mom's shoes. Working all day trying to pay bills, comeing home to a snotty three year old, a step dad that refuses to be a dad to his step childeren, and only getting payed like 7 dollars an hour. I get it. Me asking for something like that is completely out of the question.

Speaking of my mom working I am at her work right now. I just looked over at her and about started to cry. Seeing her work so hard. I've grown up with parents who wish they could give their childeren more. I remember talking to my real dad on the phone when my mother and him were fighting. He burst out crying over the phone and told me he would become homeless just so I could have a TV in my room. It broke my heart. Then, a while ago I was upset because my step dad had gotten done yelling at me because I didn't keep my door open when talking on the phone. (Surprise Surprise...) My mom came in and I told her why that bothered me. She was like, "You guys are the best kids. I couldn't ask for anything more. It just bugs me. I work my butt off to you give you guys what you deserve, but I can't. I have worked since 15 and I have nothing to show. I would give anything to be able to give you girls what you deserve, but I cant." I don't know... Seeing my parents suffer just... ugh.

Then, today my grandma walked in and wanted to talk to me. She was like,

"Kacee, would it bother you if Lori (My step sister's mom) payed for Jessica to have dance classes in Nephi? I want you to be honest with me." I said,

"You know grandma I do but I don't. I would be upset if my mom had to pay for it because I don't think it's fair that she has a rich family, and she gets to come down here and still be spoiled. I would be upset if my mom payed for it. Now, I wouldn't be upset if Lori payed for it, because she is rich. It's not my moms fault we arn't fortunate. It just wouldn't be fair for Katie and I to suffer more because of that. I mean there are so many things I would love to do. I would love to take dance classes with my buddy Jessica, and I would love to take swimming lessons. There are so many things I would like to do but I can't. My mom doesn't need to hear me complain and suffer more because she doesn't get paid enough." Then, my grandma said,

"You know hun, I grew up just like you. I worked and worked and worked, and all my money went for was helping my mom pay for bills. None of my money went for myself. It has always been like that. You know hun, I wouldn't trade being rich for my family." I said,

I don't know it just makes me really upset that snotty people we call preps are rich and get everything and they still want more. I think its not fair that just because I'm not rich and part of the "in" crowd I should be punished for it. I'm sick of people talking crap behind my back and pretending to be my friend to my face. I'm sick of the world judging me. I tried making you all happy, but I can't please everyone.

So here is the truth:

I just wore aeropostale because everyone expected me to wear it.

I kept my hair blonde for the longest time because that is what guys liked.

I stopped eating because I wasn't skinny enough for my fake friends.

I hate being tall because everyone makes fun of me.

I don't talk much during school because I hate everyone there, and I get too depressed.

I secretly want to cut every night.

I wore light clothes because It's part of my act of being happy.

I only obey rules because I don't want people dissapointed in me.

I hate pink and purple because YOU GUYS like it.

I wear baggy pants because you guys don't.

If I say I hate you once that's saying it for the rest of the time even when we are friends.

I would rather hang out with the "losers" because I hate fake people.

There's more... If you guys have a problem with it you all can go fall in holes.

If you guys talk crap behind peoples backs, hurt people's feelings you guys are the reason why people jump off buildings and cut. (THATS LIKE A QUOTE JESSICA MADE. AND I LIKED IT AND USED IT.)