Rambling on...

Jealousy strikes me again. I'm so over powered by the thought. I could have sworn when I looked in they mirror today I could see myself being eating inside and out. I've got to hold it together. I've got to be strong. Never again will I shrink back to the little depressed girl that hid herself with the identity of a smile every day.
Feeling this feeling over and over again is like a little girl being told that Santa Claus didn't exist by her parents. Her parents to whom she trusted to build her dreams only to crush them in that one sentence. "Santa Claus doesn't exist." Then, that sad little girl walks up to her room slowly with tears welling up in her eyes. She sits on her bed holds her teddy bear wondering if the tooth ferry, the Easter bunny, and cupid exists.
Just as I become inches away from crossing the line of insanity his friend fixes it with one smart comment. How is it that actions and words affect me more deeply than anyone else? Why is it that I shrink in size knowing that something isn't going according to plan.
Why does everything have to be so complicated? Will someone direct me to the light that everyone talks so confidently about? Or is the light a lie just like Santa Clause?