I Hate Girls...

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Weight...

Okay so I have been trying to loose weight.
I was just talking to matt and he said he could not tell any difference.
I am so depressed I could cry.
I was just on the treadmill twice as long as I usually am on it for.
So, out of pure honesty tell me the truth.
Do my pictures look like I have lost weight?
look at my waiste size.
k?



Before...




After...

Stress Finally Gone!

The stress with fighting with Shelbie is gone! Everything is good now, and we are buddies! I talked to her over the phone, and I apologized for everything. We both agreed that if we made a move over our fight we could become rich. We would make a movie out of it and put it as a dramatic TV show!

Anyways, so lately we all are aware of my race to loose weight. If you are not then your not allowed to be my friend anymore. Lol. Just joking!
I've had tons of people ask me why I am trying to loose weight. Now, if you cant clearly see how big I was getting here are some different reasons:

1) Its my new years resolution.
2) Have you seen those movies on TV shows where girls have those nice lines that separate there abs? You know how they almost look like six packs? Well that's what I want. My mom said getting that will be extra hard work because of the different figure I have. I have athletic type figure. If you don't know what that is it means that your rib cage is like square and makes you look stronger then girls with just plain hour glass figure.
3) My sister Katie stopped eating for a while. Her not eating was a result of mostly our dads death and how our peers, and and us are handling it. Well, she has not been handling it well. She stopped eating. She recently let me know she can fit in size one pants. Now, I want you to think about this. What would it be like standing next to this skinny girl, your fat, and all the guys like your sister. If you suddenly felt like crap then you get the picture of what it is like for me. So, seeing how gross and unhealthy she looks, I decided to loose weight the right and more healthy way.

So yeah. Thanks for listening, reading...
What ever!

More stuff that i have been wanting to put on here for you all to see.

Natalie likes this picture. So yeah you may have seen this one.


Lol. look how far I could lean to one side!!!


a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPjdib1SpfQT4sQA9Dmxxhbx2z3epmTV1Ja4Zy9HgEYE3LcGFJJ8_yNIea0qYqG7PheNdgWgUZ2yalEevJ4zX_95qPjdYzL8V3cAFZuPp-79NmZYK_1gDL5nbHPYrbR7dgB_dT1UFCm2v4/s1600-h/i+totally+love+this+picture.bmp">
Lol when I see this picture the first thing that pops into my head is the word silly. lol. I like this picture!



Okay so you all may have seen this picture. But just in case here it is. and I have last a ton of weight since then. 2 and 1/2 pants sizes to be exact! STILL LOOSING MORE!



Tanner has the most gorgeous eyes ever! So, I forced him to let me take a picture of his eye! ARNT THEY SO PRETTY! I WANT THEM!



Lol. Piersun decided to wear a superman outfit to school one day. Well we were messing with out phone. Katie and I both decided his muscles are kinda hot!

Warning: Teenage Zone Enter At Your Own Risk!

Jessica and Natalie being bugs in the bug life flower thingy ma bober.



Jessica in her future shower. lol.



Jessicas future dinner room. =)



Jessicas future kitchen. lol. You should have seen her she was so excited!



Haha. Extremely bad picture. But this is my future room. we were at a furnature store and this room was set up. I liked it alot!



The first girl ever to be taller then me! LOL!



lol. My tan. lol. I look like a blonde mexican. lol. sorry its a bad picture.

My friend was telling me about some guy she likes. So, I decided to write a story about it. I hope you enjoy. If not... well I dont give a crap. Latley I have been dealing with everyones crap. So just please, keep it to yourself. I cant be perfect, and neither are you. I cant impress everyone and believe me. I have tried.


MyHotComments


I see you at the end of the hall, from the corner of my eye. I check over myself in my locker mirror. Well, Guess it cant get any better then it is now. I casually close my locker and walk past you acting like I had somewhere to go.
You didn't even notice me.
I'll try again another day, because I wont give up on you.

I want to help...

He takes the knife in one hand,
Why he is doing it; I dont understand.
He holds it up to his wrist,
I hold back the tears and clinch my fist.

He pushes the metal into his skin,
Thats when my head started to spin.
He wont let me save him from that knife,
the one that could possibly destory his life.

He fliches from his very pain,
I sit silently going insane.
He lets out a releved sign,
As I feel myself starting to cry.

He looks up to see me there,
I want him to know I really do care.
He looks up to see my stare,
He turns away from my glare.

Hurt + Drama = Head Ache

This picture is seriously what I was doing two seconds ago. Its not a picture of me, but you guys get then point.

So, I have been getting stuck between some drama lately. There is not one person on this world that hates drama more then me. Another reason I like being invisible. Sometimes I wish I wasn't invisible because sometimes I just want to feel important. At times like these invisible is what I want. Yeah, I am glad people can come to me and tell me things. Seriously thought, one person can only handle so much!

So, I have been getting these terrible head aches latley. When I was laying in my bed with my lights off, and a cold wrag on my head i got thinking. Maybe, just maybe, this is all because I have been so stressed latley. Maybe, its not my sinuses. Maybe, I am getting stressed and my brain just wants to pop. Haha. Sometimes I wish it would.

I wish I could tell you whats really going on. I mean what new drama has popped up tonight. I dont think you guys could handle listening to it. I know my head aches gotten worse. Thats for sure.

This is my deal, now tell me what is yours.

I sit here silently outside my bedroom window. I just climed out thorugh my window; My own personnel thinking space. The one place in the world I can just be alone. I sit here the wind is cold, and its dark. Usually. I would scared of the dark, but here in my thinking space this is the one place I have nothing to fear. I silently wrap the fleace blanket around myself, and look up to the stars.

Laying on the grass looking at the stars; I did with you. Our little daddy daughter date... minus the dad. I look up to the stars, and a tear rolls down my cheek. How come dealing with your death has been so hard? No one understands; even the people who's parents also died still dont understand. Must just be different circumstances. Dad, Katie has stopped eating, and is cutting patterns in her skin. Well, she was. I told and now she has to stop. Ashley, just needs her daddy. Mom, needs you to call her and tell her she will get a job. She needs you to encourage her. We need you.
I really do.

Now, I find myself sobbing, and shivering. I refuse to go inside even though I am cold, and am in desperate need of a tissue. I whipe my nose with the back of my hand. Dad, I treated you so wrong. I cant even find an excuse for acting the way I did. Even though, you did drugs, and yelled constantely. I guess I just blamed my stess on you. You were such an amazing person inside and out. You saw the true beauty in life, for example; the stars.

A rush of anger runs through me. One single memory runs through my blood pounding in my veins. My eyes burn, and suddenly I am not cold. I look to the ground, not deserving to look at the stars. She was right, I do deserve to have a dead dad. She knew my pain, my frustration, and she used my trust against me. She pulled those stiches and patch work I took a year working on sewing, and ripped them out of my chest. Here it goes again.

I feel my smeared make up, mixed with warm tears streaming across my face. I silently lay down, and look at the stars. Trying to convince myself that everyone goes through this. I failed, No one goes through this exactly. I am the only one in the world feeling this exact same thing. I would not be here crying if she did not say waht she did. I cant forgive her, and no one will understand why. I am the only one feeling what I feel now.

The cold grass is tickling my skin. It comforts me, but not enough. How can everyone can just forgive her? Is it just me that is being tortured? Yeah, I do forgive and forget. But, there was no apology to forgive and forget about. There was just her thinking her little comment would be harmless-news flash, I am dying inside. Seeing everyone hangout with her... Well it just about kills me. She won, she got her way. She mulipulated my feelings, and now she has won. My friends let her win, the game is over. Now only am I the looser because my friends fell for her games, but I am sitting here crying over a few simple words. The words that at this time are so true, but so hurtful. I still see myself as the bigger person, though many may not think so. The world can think what they want about me, but they can shove it. When it comes to my family, and most of all my dead dad. The world will never be forgiven, mark my words. I can joke around about being mad at her. The things I say are not ture. I guess my friends cant tell the difference between a joke, and the person I really am. I think the best of her, even though she said what is now killing me. So, This is my deal, now tell me... what is yours?

OMGOSH! THE EMBARRASMENT NEVER STOPS!!!

Last night I didn't get any sleep.
This morning my alarm clock went off twenty minutes early.
I turn it off and lay back down on my bed thinking I would not fall asleep. Being I didn't sleep last night.
My stupid luck... I fell asleep.

I get up and only have like half an hour before the bus came.
Thinking I had all the time in the world I crimped my hair.
Well really its naturally curly.
So I didn't think it would take long.
Before I know it Katie is yelling, "KACEE ITS TIME TO GO!"
I am sitting there still in the clothes I fell asleep in.
No make up, top half on my hair.... not done.
GREAT!
I forgot about my hair and I put some eyeliner on.
I jumped into my clothes, grabbed my mascar, eye shadow, books and ran out the door.
I ran 1/4 of a mile in 2 minutes.
Everyone at my bus stop sat there laughing at me.
Pretending not to care, thinking I was going to have a great day; I got on the bus.

Sitting on the bus no one had a mirror.
I sat there with just eyeliner on.
Then, of course Perisun had to point it out.
Thanks, really!
He didn't mean it to be mean.
or at least I dont think he did.
I dont blame him.
I am scary without makeup.

I get to school and run to the bathrooms!
I pull my hair now frizzy and half done, into a half pony tail.
I hurry and put some eye shadow on, and come to realize I LOST MY MASCARA!
urgh!
I give up still determined to have a good day.

Then I get out in the hall surrounded by Andrea, Jessica, Korryn, Alora, and some other people.
Then, I hear Matt saying, "HEY KACEE!"
I turn around to look at him and bang my head on Korryns locker. Yeah some of them saw and started laughing.....
UGH GREAT!!!
wonder how bad I blushed!!! URGH!

First hour, somehow I made it out alive.

Second hour, we are working on posters for the elementary school.
We have to use pastels.
I somehow get green on both sides of my WHITE shirt!
UGH!
All up and down my arms.
It wouldn't come out.

On my way to third hour I see Natalie.
I ask to wear her jacket but OF COURSE my arms are toooooo long for it.
(It was pink I didn't want to wear pink anyways! (No offense Natalie (haha or Jessica)))
Then I run into the Gym real quick and throw on my gym shirt.
Its baggy, and dirty. Great.
I left it and used my only mascara that is like years old. (no joke)
It didn't work.
I go to third hour...

Third hour, I lost all hope.

By then, Man I just quit trying.
Ashlee Rowe completely just lifted me up when she complimented my half done hair.
Man, I felt like she just kicked all my stress off my shoulders.
and all it took is one compliment.

Gym came next...
BASKETBALL!
Totally just let me put all my frustration on the game.
I probably would have like killed myself if basketball wasn't there to save me!
Anyways...
I decide to put my white shirt on.
TA' HECK WITH IT!
Then I have more people saying they liked my hair.
(SUCK UPS!!!)
lol joking.

Lunch time!
I WAS STARVING!
I was so excited for lunch...
you see...
I have a fast matabolism and I didn't have a huge breakfast so I pretty much burned all those calories not only running for the bus, but basketball too!
I get myself a big lunch and sit down.
The first thing I grab.
MY ORANGE JUICE!!!
I open it and take a sip, and the whole thing spills in my lap.
I am sitting there like HOLEY CRAP!!!
So luckily for my Lindsey Palmer has a napkin!
I take it and pretty much loose my appitite...
But I still eat.
A little.

Then, Jessica meets up with me and we walk to Mrs. Sanders room.
I get in there laying on the table telling everyone about my horrible day.
And talking about other things, and I knock a thing of pencils over.
Jessica is laughing histarically.
Then there is me, sitting there about to cry.
How can my day seriously be going THIS bad?
The bell rings, and I rush to get out of that place.

Chior.
well its was chior.

English, I didn't finish my biography.
great, now homework.
Choke. Gag. Cough.

Science-We get new groups.
Lindsey Canfield, preston sidaway, and Colton H.
Preston is sitting there moving our assignment.
Lindsey and I did the whole freaking thing.
It wasn't hard.
But then there was Preston sitting there being perverted.

URGH!!!

So yeah, there was my day....

Haven't finished English homework crap.
and not I am sitting here wondering how can I be sucha CLUTZ!!!?!?!?!

anyways...



So, thanks to those who gave me compliments saying I looked cute when I didn't.
Those to listened to me complain.
Those who told me you couldn't see the green pastel when clearly you could.

YOU GUYS ARE MY TRUE FRIENDS LOVE YOU GUYS!


MyHotComments

just urrr....

Okay so many things i could say right now that is bugging me but i dont want to try it all. i just ugh. I am the only person in the world who could ever understand.

Well, yesterday our neighbor was at our house. His dad just recently died. His dad lived to be 87 years old. My grandPa was trying to all caring, and making him feel better. So normally you would be thinking aw that is so sweet.
Now get this.
When my dad died, he saw Katie, my mom, and I crying sitting in the kitchen. He just looked around and walked back into his room and didn't come out.
He cares about our neighbor more then us. Wow. I am about in tears right now.

Then my friends are all being depressed, and dramatic. They are all acting weird and its annoying.

Then i still cant forgive that one girl for saying that about my dad. Now everyone is friend with her again and i swear... I could walk out of school everytime i see them all hanging out like none of us got hurt. I know for sure one thing.... I did.

My day...

chase and my grandma



logan

LOGAN

Chase and Ashlynn



Katie and Logan


I have nothing better to do then sit here and talk about nothing. Usually I have some major thing that I want to talk about, but today I don't.
I sat here at my grandmas house and pretty much just sat around.
I have two new baby cousins a boy and the girl. I have not rif you put him in the Really been spending time with the girl. They baby boys name is Logan and he is so cute!
When i get back home ill put his pictures on here for you all to see!
If you put him high in the air and drop him really fast, he gets this HUGE grin on his face!!!
ITS SO CUTE!!!

This was so sad!

Okay, right now I am in Colorado. I have a great grandpa that has alsheimers and he lives next door. His wife died of a stroke, and he rang the door bell. I opened the door and he was asking for her. He was telling me about how she just took off with all his cars and he has nothing left. Then, he was telling me about how he had always treated her right, and never went off looking for other women. He looked really sad and confused wondering why she just left him. I would try to get him talking about something else, but he would always go and re say it more detailed each time. He just kept saying it over and over again because he forgot he had just said it. As I sat there the whole time trying my hardest not to cry! Then my grandma came out and told him again that she has died. IT WAS SO SAD!

I was sobbing!

I stole this from Jordans blog lol love you Jordan!

YOUR BOY SIDE
(x) You love hoodies.
(x) You love jeans.
(x) Dogs are better than cats
(x) Its hilarious when people get hurt.
(x) You've played with/against boys on a team.
() Shopping is torture.
() Sad movies are stupid.
() You own an X-Box
(x) Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
(x) At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.

() You own a DS, PS2 or Sega.

(x)You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.

(x) You watch sports on TV

(x) Gory movies are cool.
() You own like a trillion baseball caps.
(x) You LOVE going to football games.
() You used to/do collect baseball cards.
(x) Baggy pants are cool to wear.
(x) It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
(x)You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
(x) Sports are fun, too.
(x) Talk with food in your mouth
(x) Wear basketball shorts.

(x) Sleep with your socks on at night.

Now add the numbers up and multiply it by 5. Total is your boyish side.
90%



YOUR GIRL SIDE.
(x) You wear lip gloss.
(x) You love to shop.
(x) You wear eyeliner

(x) You have some of the same shirts in different colors.
() You wear the color pink.
()Go to your mom for advice.
() You consider cheerleading a sport.
() You hate wearing the color black.
() You like hanging out at the mall..
() You like getting manicures and/or pedicures
(x)You like wearing jewelry.
() Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
(x) Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
(x) You don't like the movie Star Wars.
(x) You are/were in cheerleading, gymnastics or dance.
(x) It takes you around 1 hour to shower, get dressed
() You smile a lot more than you should.

() You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.

(x) You care about what you look like.
() You like wearing dresses when you can.
(x) You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
() You LOVE movies.
(x) Used to play with dolls as little kid.
(x) Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy of it.
(x) Like taking pictures of yourself with your cell phone or camera when you're bored.
Now add the numbers up and multiply it by 5.
55%

lol now that is a funny post lol.

Pics random pics

Since these pictures were taken I have lost two pant sizes so I am skinnier then I am in these pictures...

I got chewed out...

Okay so all the sudden it started snowing...
A LOT! four inches in thirty minutes!!!
so my mom told me to go get the dog and bring him in the gradge so he wont get cold.
so I ran and got him and on the way back in the gradge...
I fell. lol. It hurt!
It made a huge noise!
I get in the house practially in tears but I was laughing.
( I laugh when I get hurt.)

and i get in my an hold my knees hand and fingers laughing rolling with tears streaming down my eyes and my mom says,
"did you just trip?"
me thinking NO DUH MOM!!! then she was like,
"i herd a noise was that you?!?!?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU AND KATIE I NEVER FELL THAT MUCH AS A KID NEVER!!! YOU GUYS TRIP OVER AIR!!!!!!!!"

so yeah... there is the story about how i cut my stupid finger open...
lol. and bruised my knee.......

SNOWBOARDING!!!

Again... yes I went snowboarding. It was AWSOME! I learned how to do an alli lol i have no idea how to spell it. anyways I took natalie and show her how to do it. She fell... alot! but she did way good for her first time. She got tired by her third time down. I had the endurance of the crew. I just kept going. and going. and going. I went alone. but it was fun because I got to meet people on the lift. and then I could practice my boarding without having to wait up. or speed up. Im going to miss robert because he was funny.

lol
then we herd some guys yelling from the lift and so katie waved at them and fell it was so funny! and the guys were laughing asking if she was okay! lol it was funny!

then natalie hurt her ribs so i told her to stretch them out and we herd guys whistling from the lift. lol.

Bus fun.

It all started with this innocent picture. (trevor has a gorgeous smile!)

have fun on our bus... lol.

and today we fit all five of us on one seat. (Katie, Tanner, Trevor, Pierson, and me!)

ill have to upload piersons superman outfit lol.




hey hey!


He thinks he is hot at least that is what he said when he posed. lol.



ahh!





creepy much?


hahahaha.


I like this picture.

he was pretending to be asleep. lol.

Just Keeping It Real...

So... on the bus on my way to snowboarding we got to watch cars...
I WAS SO ENTERTAINED!
and when rascal flatts song life is a highway I was dancing and singing pretty much scaring to poor little kids.

Scribbler Of Dreams

Okay so Rachelle YOU SHOULD HAVE WARNED ME!
In a book she recommended to me called "Scribbler of Dreams" has a part were these peoples dad is dead.

And I started crying. Little things like this are just killing me right now.

Anyways I wrote a poem about how I feel.
Its corney, but hopefully you wont laugh at my pain.


I dont know what to title it if you have a suggestion then feel free to let me know what it is.


The cold harsh reality from the pages of a book.
I can't help, but take another look.
The words bore deep inside me soul.
Making me loose all sense of control.
I thought I was getting over what I felt inside,
now all the feelings are starting to collide.
I now know the character more then then its own writer understands,
I feel the pain more then the author comprehends.
The words imprited on my brain,
"My dad is dead" and it's making me insane.