9-12-09 Why Jared and I broke up the first time...

(Same day I got in a fight with my step dad. I was sick of the drama irritated easily, and just yeah. Hopefully who ever is reading understands.)

Anyways, I cried in my room til' I couldn't get anymore tears out of my eyes. Then, Katie came in gave me a hug and told me to get ready to go to Richfield to watch her sing. I showered and got so cleaned up you wouldn't have even though I was crying. (I got practice at faking my happiness about two years ago.)
When we were there I got a text from Jared saying he was going to homecoming to chill with friends. The first thing that popped into my head was Carley. For the past few weeks he's been going behind my back to hangout with her. My friends told me that's who he was with every time I ask him about it he blows it off like it's no big deal. Well it is to me...
Then, come to find out he used to be dating her. I mean it hurts enough to see him hug her every time I text he is handing out with her. He has even stayed at her house til really late on a school night to help her move, but he couldn't text me because apparently his phone died.
Every time we are around he is text or talking to her. I swear he has blown me off to be with her.
Then, on rock star day he came to school wearing her jeans and shirt.
The other night at school dance he had her glasses in his pocket. When I asked him he said she left them at some bridge, and she asked him to get them for her. That of when they were making out they were in the way so they had to take them off. Two days before that he was at that bridge "sleeping", but Megan said he left with Carley that night.
So, sick of being hurt I broke up with him tonight. I got multiple texts from him saying he wasn't cheating, but I don't even care. I deserve better. Right? I shouldn't have to worry he is out cheating.
He tricked me into saying I would never break up with him, to trust him, and all this stuff. I just needed out I guess. I'm fourteen for heaven sakes. I don't need this kind of pressure... not now.
To think I Changed myself for him. My family hates me for being with him.
Corney as it sounds... Want to know what hurts me the most? He hurt me... and I'm pretty sure I still "love" him.
I wanted out and at the same time I wanted in. He made me so happy at the beginning.

There is no such thing as a happy ending.

After I got a text saying he was going to homecoming I got another saying he had to pick Carley up. I asked who she was going with and he said she didn't have a date... hmm... suspicious....
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Crap, It's 12:46.
He is back from homecoming, and I just got a text from him... It said,
"I never cheated... I'm sorry."
I said,
"What ever."

Ugh... I'm so hurt right now, and to think... I thought I ran out of tears.