9-13-09 7:50am Where's my Ben and Jerry's ice cream?

I've been up for a while. I can't fall asleep. Too many thoughts rid my mind right now... Can you blame me?
I got a text from Jared. He is making excuses saying,
"If you had the kind of life she did and only one true friend you would want them to be around and if you were that friend you would want to be there for them."
Okay? The kind of life she had? He doesn't know the crap I've been through, the things I say, and now I feel about them today.
This is what I replied,
"We've all had crap in our pasts most people deal with it. Unlike Carley who tricks you into being her friend by making you feel bad for her. At least I know my friends love me for me not the crap I have going from my past. My friends don;t even know a fraction of it because I want people to want me for me. Not for feeling bad for me."

Ugh... I need out. I need a boyfriend who understands. I can;t take Jared back he's hurt me so much.
I just poured myself a big bowl of cereal and I can't even bring myself around to eat it. So, its going to be the opposite this time eh? Before when I got depressed I would eat and eat and eat. Now, it's like I can't eat at all. Maybe, instead I'll go jogging. Maybe, I'll loose all this weight I've accumulated over the years.

Jared said last night Jessica was crying because she thought it was her fault. Kade said he didn't cheat. It doesn't matter now. I... just want to be happy right now. Who would have known being in the arms of love could be a bad thing?
Kade who is one of Jared's friends understands. He got it in one text. I said,
"He is always with her, talking about her, texting her, everything he says he wishes I was are things she has. He is a hypocrite and is so unfair." He said,
"I know... and I actually kind of noticed that... Although Carley is one of my friends. But I get where you are coming from. And if people are going to be together then they have to give things up for each other. Because of it there are just certain people you don't want them around."

Jared's switching out of my woods class. Why does that hurt me so much?
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Jared wants to "fix" things between up. Apparently, Ashley and Kade knocked some sense into him. He's hurt. How is he hurt? I'm the one who got cheated on. While he was in the middle of his "true and sincere" apology he let me know he was with Carley. They were getting boxes for Carley's mom. Surprise, Surprise his phone died. Isn't that what usually happens? W H A T E V E R! He wants to talk tomorrow. The only talking he is going to get is to my back... as I'm walking away.

All I can say is tomorrow is going to be a lonely and depressing day, but part of me doesn't even care. Part of me actually wants to be alone.

<3/ the girl who threw her whole life away in two days-Kacee