The Lost Message

"When he was a kid, his grandfather had told him a World War I story about a solider who had lost a message warning of an imminent enemy attack. Afterward the solider always blamed himself for the terrible casualties and went through life looking in gutters and under stones for the lost message."
I was reading a book by Mary Higgins Clark and when I read this it immediately caught my eye. I don't know why I like it so much. I can picture it in my head so well.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm like the solider. I blame myself for my dad's death because I had wished he would die; and he did. So, for the rest of my life I will be looking for a way to make up for killing my dad. I will always blame myself, and look for peace for the rest of my life. In the soldiers case looking for the message under stones and in gutters for the rest of his life.