9.25.09 what to do.....

I didn't go to school again today. Grandma's brother is dying and grandma drove to Wyoming to see him. Therefore I got stuck watching chase.
I guess you could say these two days of school off helped. Seeing Jared so happy and me being miserable just wasn't that fun.

Mom thinks because I was already sick being stressed was making me even sicker. I get that. It seems I'm always sick. I just learned to not complain.

Yesterday, Jared and I talked on the phone. I told him he only had ten minutes and it turned into an hour and twenty minutes. I pretty much told him everything I have written in my journal the past few weeks. In the end it seemed like he got it. I hope. That or he was just pretending so we can stop fighting. I bet lately I've sounded like a pretty big bitch. In fact I know I have. I granted myself that authority. I've gone through a lot of crap in my life so for a little while I should be mean. I don't think should have complete control of themselves all the time. Every once in a while everyone cracks.

As we all can tell I don't know what I'm going to do with Jared and all this. Clearly I still love him and miss him so so so much. My whole family hates him though. They tell me not to take him back. Well Mainley my mom and Katie. You're probably thinking who cares what they think! but really, my mom and sister scare the crap out of me. It just bugs me they wait til I have a complete melt down before they decide to care. Another problem is his friends apparently they don't want us back together because we keep hurting each other. Also, his family pretty much hates me it seems.
Hopefully we can figure it out. Who would have known I could get myself caught up in such a big mess. I really like Jared, but it could just be a stage. But what kind of stage lasts over 5 months? Ugh.
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