9-21-09 Seeing them together.

So, today completely sucked... I told Jared I didn't want to be friends because he hurt me so much....
H was with Carley all day today. I didn't think it would hurt me as much as it does. Every time I saw them in the halls they were together. Kinda like Jared and I used to be...

Then, after school them and a big group of friends were like holding hands in a circle. I bet they both liked that...

I went to cross country determined to run all my bad feelings away, and I did. Until I got back to the school. There they were in the same spot talking. I got dressed and when I walked out they were sitting alone on a bench together. Then, he got up and walked away like he used to do to me pretending to be mad. Then, they went and layed under a tree together. Ugh. I want to die. I'm so hurt. If he thought it would make me jealous... It did.

I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy. I will not cry over a guy.
That's what I have been trying to tell myself. So far I've only had my eyes water...

Want to know what I think? I think Jared is the selfish one. If he has the nerves to want to hurt my feelings that makes him selfish.
I called him a jerk and he said I made him the way he is. =[
No one can change him. Only he can. Right?

You know those butterflies in my stomach? Well now those are moths eating me from the inside out. Now I remember why I hated butterflies so much. I'M SO HURT!!! So... So... HURT!

At cross country I ran all my pain away. Until I saw them. I'll run ten more miles as long as this pain goes away.

Katie was talking to Ethan about how she hated Jared, and she told him we broke up. He asked if it was the Ciara Marsh thing. What Ciara Marsh thing?!? Was he cheating more?
...
Was I really that crappy of a girl friend?
Gosh...
I'm so ready to just crumble into a ball and roll away forever... (haha Corney.)

Grandma and grandpa are moving next week. Can't I just go with them? Please! Another fresh start.
Ugh... Anywhere but here.

Before Jared I had given up on guys completely. I wanted to be left alone. Then, he came and promised me he would treat me right.
Why did I listen!?!?! Stupid me. This is all his fault. I really just felt burnt out the day he was flirting with Katie. That hurt so much. It all was so sudden and just ended so quickly. What am I supposed to do now? School sucks without him.