9.22.09 2:31am Moths...

I woke up and I can't sleep. The moths are eating my stomach again. I want to throw up. I wish I could. Every last piece of me.
It bugs me they are together and happy and just fine and dandy. Then, here I am suffering THIS much.
This is why I didn't want to let anyone in. This always happens. I want to cry but I cant get the tears to come out. Just these STUPID moths.

9:28pm
Yeah... This morning I woke up a total mess. I miss him so darn much. Steve is in Nevada right now for a singing thing. I woke up and mom say me. She asked why I was up and I told her about the moths. She told me to get milk. Then, she let me turn on a movie in her room. She got it for once. Like she was actually worried. When I turned the movie on I fell asleep.


Jared is putting me on a emotional roller coaster. I seriously wanted to die last night. So I let my friend and Jared know, This morning he pretended to be all worried about me. Then, Ugh... This is what really pushed my buttons...
He said he still loved me. ugh. I wanted to bawl. I said sure. Then I said,
"What happened then when you said you didn't love me?"
He said that I had took it wrong and he me and he needed more time to heal.
Also, he said he wasn't trying to make me jealous yesterday.

<3/ the bundle of nerves....